The Stuff Good Relationships Are Made Of - Part 1 Use Your Head

Hello, and welcome to The Resilient Leader. Coach Charlotte Edwards here. Let's get started with today's message for The Resilient Leader, "The Stuff Good Relationships Are Made Of."

This is going to be a September video series all about relationships. So let's get started with today's message, which is about use your head, understand people.

Good relationships begin with a willingness to understand the person in front of you. As leaders, it's easy to focus on what people do, their performance, their behavior, their decisions, or even their mistakes, but there's more going on beneath the surface. When someone reacts differently than we expected, we can assume why they did it. When someone's performance changes, we can quickly draw conclusions. When someone communicates differently than we do, we can decide that they're difficult.

But what if, instead of assuming, we became curious? Stop assuming and start asking. One of the biggest barriers to understanding people is believing we already understand them. Instead of thinking, "I know why they're doing that," try asking, "Help me understand what's going on." Curiosity gives us information that assumptions never will. I'm going to repeat that. Curiosity gives us information that assumptions never will.

Learn what makes people tick. We aren't all motivated by the same things. Some people are motivated by recognition, others by accomplishment, relationship, some by security, some by having a challenge in front of them. Some simply want to know that what they're doing matters. The mistake we make as leaders is assuming that what motivates us, motivates them. Understanding people means learning what matters to them. What energizes them? What discourages them? What makes them feel valued? What causes them to be discouraged? When you understand what matters to someone, you can lead them differently.

Also, learn their language. People communicate differently. Some people want the bottom line. Others need the details. Some need to process before responding. Others think out loud. Some appreciate direct feedback. Others need more conversation and context. Effective leaders learn to adjust their communication instead of expecting everyone else to adjust to them. This is all about emotional intelligence.

And finally, pay attention to what's beneath the words. Understanding people also requires us to notice what isn't being said. A change in attitude may be telling you something. Someone becoming unusually quiet may be telling you something. Frustration, withdrawal, hesitation, or even a change in performance may be telling you something. We don't need to diagnose people or make assumptions about what they're experiencing, but we can notice and then ask. Sometimes a simple, "You don't seem like yourself today. Is everything okay?" can open the door to understanding.

So this week, you have a relationship challenge. Think about one person you lead, you work with, or interact with regularly. Can you answer these questions about them? What matters most to them? What motivates them? How do they prefer to communicate? What might they be carrying right now? What do I still need to learn about them? If you can't answer those questions, that's not a failure. It's an invitation to be curious.

In my closing thoughts today, we often spend a lot of time trying to get people to understand us, our expectations, our goals, our decisions, our perspective, but relational leadership flips the questions. How well am I working to understand them? If you remember anything today, remember that. How well am I working to understand them? Because before you can lead people well, you have to know more than what they do. You have to take the time to understand who they are.

Use your head. Get curious. Understand people. So this week, think about one person you can utilize this information with to build a stronger relationship. Who's your one? Message me.

Have an amazing week, my friends.