The Stuff Good Relationships Are Made Of - Part 2 Use Your Heart

Hello, and welcome to "The Resilient Leader." Coach Charlotte here. This week's topic, the stuff good relationships are made of, part two, use your heart, care for people.

Last week, we talked about using your head to understand people, but understanding someone isn't enough. Good relationships also require us to use our heart, care for people. People want to know they matter beyond what they accomplished, what they produce, or what they can do for us. And as leaders, we can sometimes become so focused on the work that needs to get done that we overlook the person doing the work.

You can have high expectations and still have a big heart. You can hold someone accountable and still care about them. In fact, some of the strongest relationships are built when people know you expect something from me, but you also care about me.

Here are some things you can do to let people know that you care about them.

First, notice the person, not just the performance. Leaders naturally pay attention to results. Did we hit the goal? Was the project completed? Did they meet the deadline? How are they performing? Those things do matter. But there's a person behind the performance. Sometimes we need to stop asking only, "How's the work going?" and start asking, "How are you doing?" And then stay long enough to hear the answer. People remember leaders who notice them, not just their productivity. So remember, notice the person, not just the performance.

Second, check in when you don't need anything. That's a big one. Think about your interactions with people around you. How often do you reach out just because you need something? Can you send me that report? Where are we on the project? Can you take care of this? Now ask yourself, when was the last time I checked in with someone when I didn't need anything at all? A simple, "I was thinking about you. How are things going?" communicates something powerful. You matter to me beyond what you can do for me. So remember, check in when you don't need anything.

And finally, don't just appreciate people, express it. We can appreciate someone and never actually tell them. We think, "She knows I appreciate her. He knows he's doing a good job. They know how valuable they are to the team." But do they? Don't make people guess how much you value them. Recognize effort, not only achievement. Say thank you. Celebrate progress. Be specific about what someone contributes. There is a big difference between feeling appreciated and expressing that appreciation. So don't just appreciate people, express it.

Also, remember that everyone is carrying something. One of the most important things we can remember in relationships is that we rarely know everything someone else is carrying. The person who seems distracted may have something happening at home. The person who is unusually quiet may be dealing with something they haven't shared. The person who seems frustrated may be carrying pressure you know nothing about. Caring doesn't mean we excuse poor behavior or eliminate accountability. It means we leave room for grace and compassion. Before you react to someone's behavior, consider asking, "Is there something going on that I need to know about?" Sometimes that question changes everything.

In this week's relationship checkup, think about the people you lead, you work with, and you interact with regularly. Ask yourself, do they know I care about them? When was the last time I checked in without needing something? Have I expressed my appreciation or simply felt it? Am I approachable when someone is struggling? Do my actions communicate that people are valuable to me? And perhaps the most important question, would the people in my life describe me as someone who genuinely cares?

This week's challenge, choose one person this week and intentionally demonstrate care. Not because you need something, not because there's a problem to solve, not because it's on your task list, simply because they matter to you. Send the text, make the call, give the compliment, write the note, ask the question, and then listen.

Remember, in my closing thoughts, I want to tell you, leadership isn't about choosing between results and relationships. Great leaders understand that you can maintain the standard and the value, the person at the same time. People may respect you because of your position. They may follow your direction because you're their authority. But relationships deepen when people experience your care. So this week, use your heart. Notice people. Value people. Care for people. And don't just assume they know. Make sure they experience it.

Who is your one this week? I'd love to hear from you.

Have an amazing week, my friends.