The Stuff Good Relationships Are Made Of - Part 3 Use Your Hands

Hello, and welcome to "The Resilient Leader." Coach Charlotte here. This week's topic, we're pulling off another part three week of the stuff good relationships are made of. This week, use your hands and help people.

Over the last couple of weeks, we talked about using your head to understand people and your heart to care for people, but there's one more piece. Eventually, understanding and caring need to become action. And one thing to say could be, "I understand what you're going through." But it's another thing to say, "I care about you and what you're going through." Sometimes the most powerful question we can ask is, how can I help? That's where we use our hands.

Great leaders don't simply point people toward where they need to go, they help them get there.

Here are some things that you can do to help them get there.

Remove obstacles is one. Sometimes helping someone doesn't mean doing more for them. It means removing something that's getting in their way. Maybe they don't have the authority they need to make a decision. Maybe there's a process slowing them down, or an expectation that isn't clear. Maybe they don't have the information, the resources, or support they need. Before we question someone's ability to perform, we should sometimes ask, "Is there something standing in their way that I can help remove?" Good leaders don't just identify roadblocks, they help clear the road.

A second thing you can do is give people what they need to succeed. We can't hold people accountable for expectations without making sure we've equipped them to meet those expectations. Have you given them clear direction? Do they have the right tools? Have they received the training that they need? Do they understand what success looks like? Sometimes what looks like a performance problem is actually an equipping problem. Helping people means making sure they have what they need to do their best work.

A third thing you can do is develop, don't just delegate. There's a big difference between giving someone work and helping someone grow. Delegation says, "Here's something I need you to do." Development turns that and says, "What could this opportunity help you become?" It may be the same thing, it's just the way that you phrase it. Look for opportunities to stretch people. Teach them something you know. Give them responsibility that builds their confidence. Offer feedback that helps them improve. Let them try something new, even if they don't do it exactly the way you would. The goal of leadership isn't simply to get more work accomplished through people. It's also to help people become more capable along the way, which eventually does lead right back into what we just said, which is getting more done. But you first have to help them become more capable.

A fourth thing is open doors. Sometimes one of the greatest ways we can help another person is simply by using something we already have. How can we open doors? Maybe it's a connection, an introduction, an opportunity you give them, knowledge that you share with them, experience. And maybe it's just encouragement, a seat at the table. Think about the people around you. Who would benefit from a door that you have the ability to open? Helping someone doesn't always require a huge sacrifice. Sometimes it's one simple introduction, one conversation, one opportunity that changes their direction.

And we'll end with the fifth thing, ask the question. Here's a simple leadership habit that can transform relationships. What do you need from me? And then listen to the answer. They may have to think. We sometimes assume we know what people need. We jump in and help in the way we think is helpful. But real support begins by asking. You may discover they don't need you to fix anything. Maybe they need direction. Maybe they need a resource. Maybe they need encouragement. Maybe they need you to get out of the way. Or maybe they simply need to know, I'm here if you need me. Maybe they just need a little bit more time.

So this week's relationship checkup, think about one person you lead, work with, mentor, or care about. Ask yourself, what does this person need to succeed? Is there an obstacle I could help remove? Do they have the resources and directions they need? Am I developing them or simply delegating to them? Is there a door I could open for them? And finally, what can I do, not just said, to help this person this week?

So your encouragement for this week, choose one person and ask them, "What do you need from me?" Then look at the one tangible action you can take. Remove something, provide something, teach something, introduce someone, encourage them, open a door. Because sometimes the greatest way to strengthen a relationship is to put your care into action.

Over these three weeks, the last three weeks, we've looked at the stuff good relationships are made of. Use your head to understand people. Get curious, ask questions, learn who they are. Use your heart to care for people. Notice them, value them. Make sure they know they matter. Use your hands to help people, support them, equip them, develop them, open the doors for them. Understand people, care for people, help people. This is the stuff good relationships are made of.

A good leader is made of this. It's easy to tell someone, I'm here for you, but leadership becomes real when we're willing to answer the next question. What does being there for them actually require me to do? Use your hands, turn the care into action, and help people succeed.

Have an amazing week, my friends.